A common issue I hear in counseling is, ” is it possible to forgive someone and still be hurt?” We are naturally drawn to things that make us feel good and away from those that make us feel bad. As a result, we want the grief of a crime to fade away.
The main reason we ask if we can forgive someone and still feel hurt is that we are in pain and trying to figure out if the agony is being caused by unforgiveness. Unfortunately, forgiveness does not always equate to quick pain relief, particularly when dealing with serious harm.
It’s considerably more complicated than a simple formula to forgive someone while still being hurt.
What is forgiveness, exactly?
Simply described, forgiveness is the act of absolving someone of their sin and surrendering the transgression to God. As Christians, we are forgiven as a result of Christ’s atoning death on the cross. Our sins were paid for by Jesus. To put it another way, He accepted the punishment we deserved—death (Romans 3:23). As we have been forgiven, we are called to forgive others (Ephesians 4:32).
Remember that forgiveness is a decision we make – and an action we take. Forgiveness isn’t a sensation or a quick fix for pain relief.
Why is it so difficult to forgive someone who has wronged you?
Sin’s pain has a significant impact on us as individuals. It’s natural to grow enraged towards the person who inflicted the hurt when we’ve been profoundly injured.
Nobody wants to deal with the emotional agony of another’s wrongdoing. Everyone, though, is confronted with pain and the decision to forgive. We are flawed individuals living in a flawed world.
Healing and Forgiveness
There are a few things you should be aware of when it comes to forgiveness and healing. To begin with, forgiveness and healing are not synonymous. Forgiveness is a decision to absolve the offender of our retribution and place it in God’s hands. It happens in a split second. Healing is a process that needs time and effort to complete. Keep in mind, however, that forgiveness is only the first step on the road to recovery.
Second, forgiveness is the bedrock upon which healing can be constructed. It will be difficult to choose to forgive the offense if you wait to heal before you forgive. Consider constructing a home. The foundation is poured before the walls and roof are built. We build our house on the basis of forgiveness. In other words, before we can build a lovely home (healing), we must first lay the foundation of forgiveness.
How can we get better after we’ve forgiven?
I feel the true question is, “How do I heal?” when people ask, “Can you forgive someone and still be hurt?” On the path to healing, there are various places where we might begin to take action. Notice how I said “take action” — in order to heal from past suffering, we must have a certain level of intention.
1. Pain Processing
Emotional pain can be processed in two ways: verbally and in writing. Verbal processing is carried out with the help of wise counsel, which is talking about the events, emotions, and feelings from your point of view. It is counterproductive to curse the individual who has caused you harm (Matthew 5:44). Instead, think about what you’ve learned and how you’ve felt. Select someone who can breathe new life into the issue. A wise friend, a priest, or Christian counseling could be helpful. Verbal processing only serves to bring the crime to light.
After that, there’s written processing. According to research, this is a really effective technique to recover from prior traumas. This complements verbal processing nicely. While wise advice isn’t always available, writing things down helps to organize complex ideas and feelings.
2. Always remember to pray.
Work with God to work over emotional suffering and previous hurts. He is ultimately our strength, refuge, and healer (Psalms 46:1-3). (Jeremiah 30:17). He will take care of your burdens if you cast them on Him (1 Peter 5:7).
3. Adjust Your Perspective
When I’ve been deeply hurt, my perspective narrows to the offense and my suffering. This hinders my recovery since I keep replaying the event and the pain in my head. This is just one perspective on the event.
Consider the fact that causing harm to others causes harm to others. People frequently do the best they can with the limited resources they have. They may not be able to do things differently right now. This isn’t about excusing or tolerating; it’s about attempting to understand.
Consider how God is working in and through the circumstance. After all, He has promised to utilize your suffering for your benefit and His glory (Romans 8:28). Every major adversity I’ve gone through has strengthened me and equipped me to help others. That blessing is only possible because of God’s grace (2 Corinthians 12:9). Healing occurs when positives are extracted from unfavorable situations. More significantly, it causes me to look upward, away from my suffering, toward God and His grace.
Can you forgive someone but still be hurt
- Rescinding your right to retaliation.
- Deciding to stop feeding your rage and animosity toward the individual who has wronged you and instead expresses your hurt in a constructive way.
- Allowing God to handle all of your judgments toward the individual who has wronged you.
- Getting to the point when you can tell the individual who has wronged you, “I wish you a blessing on your life.”
Now it’s just as vital to know what forgiveness isn’t. Many people hesitate to forgive someone because of a plethora of popular, yet FALSE, misconceptions about what forgiveness entails. These erroneous beliefs, or myths, can wreak havoc on our quest to be set free from our personal prison of unforgiveness. So, let’s look at 5 detrimental forgiving fallacies.
Misconceptions About Forgiveness
1. Forgiveness entails forgetting. You’ve probably heard someone tell you that you need to forgive and forget. It’s as if when you forgive someone, magical amnesia overtakes you and you forget about the terrible harm that was inflicted on you. This isn’t correct. Forgiving others does not erase the fact that they have wronged you. It’s because we remember that forgiveness is a true necessity.
2. To forgive is to overlook the deeds of the perpetrator. Forgiveness isn’t required if the person who injured you might be excused for their actions. In truth, the individual who injured you did something that is unforgivable. We forgive them, not justify them for what they did. A person in denial is one who makes excuses, ignores, or immediately vows forgiveness to another.
3. Forgiveness will mend your relationship with the individual who has wronged you. You must decide whether or not to continue a connection with the person you are forgiving, or whether it is preferable to keep your distance. You don’t have to trust someone again just because you’ve forgiven them. We give forgiveness to others as a gift. It takes time to earn someone’s trust.
If you were sexually abused, for example, you should not reside in the same house with that person or even have close contact with them. It would be foolish, if not dangerous, to do so.
4. I must feel forgiving in order to forgive. So many of us act based on our emotions. Almost everything we do is dictated by our emotions. That is a tremendous blunder. We must accomplish many things as an act of will. Our feelings will follow our actions. It takes a strong will to forgive someone. Forgiveness is a decision, not a sensation that must be elicited. We forgive others because it is the right thing to do, not because it makes us feel good. It has enormous ramifications, both positive and negative. So, even if you don’t want to, forgive. You’ll be pleased you did it later.
5. Forgiveness is something I just have to do once. It’s only normal to desire to have some sort of emotional high point where we forgive and everything goes well from there. This isn’t always the case. Many people I’ve spoken with have experienced the same feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment after making a real resolve to forgive someone. It takes time to forgive someone. Forgiveness and healing take time…the more hurt there is, the longer it takes. “When a past offense wounds the memory afresh, the act of forgiveness is chosen again,” someone once stated.
Is it possible to forgive someone and still be hurt?
To summarize, forgiveness does not include ignoring, evading, or dismissing what has occurred. To forgive someone, you don’t have to feel forgiving. And just because you’ve forgiven someone doesn’t mean you won’t be hurt again and have to choose to forgive them. It also does not imply that your relationship must return to its previous state prior to the transgression.
Regardless of these factors, we must forgive. Nobody ever said forgiving others was simple. It isn’t the case. However, the benefits of doing so far outweigh the difficulty of letting go of your urge to avenge yourself.
You May Also Read
- What Are The Benefits Of Forgiveness In The Bible? )
- 10 Things You Must Know About The Power Of The Blood Of Jesus In The Scriptures
- 10 Most Powerful daily affirmations for success that works, only if you believe.
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